white noise

I’m often surprised by the power and control of depression. It creeps down inside and latches on with thick, smothering tentacles, threatening to leech out any form of joy or self-assurance. I’d like to say it rarely happens, but combatting it can take days, sometimes weeks.

I have every reason to be happy and balanced, and yet in the last year or two, I’ve not found either. The person I see in the mirror is a shallow image of me. Why have I stopped seeking a better way? I feel as though the moment I started looking for ways to fit in and adapt to a society I don’t understand, I stopped being in control of my destiny. This is definitely NOT the person I want to be.

I strive to remind myself that I have a unique voice and something important to say, but when it gets lost in those questions like, “am I socially acceptable?” or “is this politically correct?” what good does it do to have a voice I can’t use?

I long to return to being someone I know and trust. Someone I can depend on and look up to. Screw the rest of the world.