white noise

I feel a bit on the battle-worn side tonight. Waiting for Yana to call back, just got off the phone with Marni, and my [un]happy little arse should be on its way to bed.

The mandala.

It haunts me, taunting me with my hearts’ desire. I don’t hear voices in my head, but I can certainly hear them in my soul. My heart aches, too. All over again. How the hell did I end up back where I began? Because … the mandala says I need me. I need my own strength. I need my own unshakeable truth. I need my ferocity. My own two feet. My independence.

I haven’t fallen into co-dependent behavior since Lance — since, hmm, 1995. So why now? *sigh* This is a very yucky situation and I fear it calls for a scalpel, a flashlight, and yet another trip inside myself to clear out the decay. Self-mastery is a continuous process and I grew too lax. Life is starting to sound too much like a scratched record.